“I think my boyfriend and his sister are TOO close. His Instagram is covered with pictures of her (she’s in about 90% of the pictures he posts). He doesn’t even post pictures of the two of us despite that we’ve been together almost a year. When he gets good news or something cool happens he speed dials his sister to tell her, even if he is with me. He calls her multiple times a day just to “check on her” and “see what she’s doing.” If she doesn’t answer, he immediately worries something may have happened to her. He doesn’t do the same for me though. They are ALWAYS texting all throughout the day and late hours of the night.
His sister didn’t approve of our relationship when we first got together. She said awful things about me and tried to convince him that I was no good and I didn’t really like him — that I was just with him to get back at her and my ex, whom she is now dating. She eventually “got over it” when she saw I wasn’t going anywhere but we’ve had multiple arguments throughout my relationship with her brother.
I am currently eight months pregnant by her brother, and a few months ago, when my boyfriend and I were going through a tough spot and had trust issues, I went through his phone and found that his sister was saying to him that I’m the type of girl who would hold our baby as leverage against him. This is the kind of stuff she fills his head with constantly.
His sister is only home about 60% of this time and when she comes home he gets so excited. If we’re lying in bed he’ll hop right up and go hold an hour conversation with her, even if they’ve been texting all day. His sister doesn’t have a room at the house so if she decides to stay home that night she shares the bed with her brother, my boyfriend. Yes, they sleep together… she is 20 years old, he is 22! She could sleep on the couch but would rather sleep with him… in the bed we have sex in. If my boyfriend and I have plans to sleep over at his house but his sister decides to stay home and sleep in his bed, he’ll call off the plans. Or sometimes before we even make plans to sleep over at his house, he will first call his sister to basically check if it’s okay with her, if she’s sleeping in his bed that night or not. Sometimes I’ll invite him out and he’ll refuse to go unless his sister is going. Whenever we all go out together, the two of them hang out and leave me out.
I feel like he’s dating his sister more than he’s dating me. When he gets dressed, he runs to ask his sister if it looks okay even though I’m sitting right there. If he needs something ironed or folded, he asks his sister to do it, not me. Sometime I feel that she is TOO involved in our relationship, too opinionated about us. Am I just jealous or does this make you uncomfortable too? — Feeling Uncomfortable”
Dear F.U.,
Your boyfriend and his sister must be huge Game of Thrones fans! Those Lannisters with their brother and sister dynamic. So romancy!! Could you do me a favor and ask them to fill their Incestagram with pictures of them reenacting favorite scenes from the show? Cool!
I can see why he wouldn’t post pictures of you. Why post you, when he has his sister for free? They have so much in common. Like having similar backgrounds and families. It’s hard for you to compete with that. Also, he’s known her longer. You’re right to notice her jealousy. She had him first. At least now she can date your ex. Think, there’s only two degrees between her sleeping with her brother.
It’s good that his sister treats you so terribly and he allows it. If that’s what she’s like then, of course, you have to put up with it. He’s cool with it. She’s cool with it. The only one not cool with it is you. She fills his head and he loves to listen. He definitely wants this. Everyone wants this. Your boyfriend is sleeping in a bed with his sister all the time. And you’re the one still dating him! I bet when they’re in bed together, they talk about how this is your sex spot. Haha he’s cute when he laughs. Does she talk about that? She gets first dibs on him. You’re either okay with this or you’re not.
He is dating his sister more than he’s dating you. Her opinion does matter to him more. This is a three way relationship. And you’ve opted into it. Have fun! You can’t leave. Being uncomfortabe isn’t a reason to leave a relationship. Nothing is.
Welp, this woman is the baby’s aunt. So draw some limits or don’t. Who cares what she thinks. Answer: You’re boyfriend does.
Oh well. You can take pictures of your baby on Instagram until it becomes weird. And then people will talk about that. Full circle it.
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