Needy toddler son irresponsibly living with mom and bf

Today’s letter is from Dear Wendy:

I’m a 30-year-old divorcee with a son. I have joint custody with my ex-husband. My boyfriend, who is also divorced, has a daughter, who is under the sole custody of his ex-wife. I only get to spend time with my son on alternate weekends and my boyfriend doesn’t see his daughter at all. My boyfriend already proposed to me but one month after proposing, he wants me to give up seeing my son. I did tell him that my parents want to spend time with my son too and they can only do that on the alternate weekends I see him. He told me that he wants to go overseas to work and meanwhile I can use this period to think about whether I want to give up my son for him. I have thought of giving up son after we married, but how am I supposed to answer to my parents? My mother has depression and my father has cancer. I don’t want them to be sad knowing that they will lose a grandson. My boyfriend told me when we started dating that he could not accept my son, and I know not all men can. I’m actually prepared to do give him up after marriage, but he wants me to do it right now. I want to be with my boyfriend and yet I can’t bear to let my parents feel sad because of their illnesses. I also have a mother’s guilt in me because my son loves me so much. What should I do?

— Feeling Stuck”

You’re 30 years old. Isn’t it time for your son to grow up and spend some time without you?

If you’ve done your job as a mom, this underage child-man-child will thrive in the world on his own. Most parents move away from their kids after they’re 18. If you haven’t already looked into your college education, this would usually be the time.

Your boyfriend serves as an awesome example. After his divorce, he freaking moved on already. His wife only birthed his leech of a daughter to control him.

What is boyfriend supposed to do while you’re with your child? Be there to support you? Yucky! Xbox and sports games isn’t even as good as you. A guy wants to spend this time with worthless little you. Isn’t that super attractive? Your needs will be met!! Screw your son’s needs. You did your part on almost half of all weekends lately.

Sad to hear you have a manipulative father who would make his “cancer” all about him. I guess that’s where your son inherited that gene from. It’s hard to tell if it’s your dad’s selfishness or your son’s that created your mom’s depression. The men in your family are a piece of work.

Luckily you now have a boyfriend who embodies the ideal qualities of a man. He says what he needs. That guy helps you prioritize his wants over yours. The proper order of things. Immediately give up your child. If your parents protest, give them up too. There remains one thing you can’t give up, your boyfriend.

If you need advice – but not really because you already know – submit your “question” in the contact form or email You can also tweet a short humblebrag to @satiricaladvice.

Disclaimer: This advice and content is not real. It's satire and parody.

The advice offered in this column is intended for comedic and entertainment purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for real advice. If you have concerns or a situation in which you need help, you should consult with an appropriate specialist. Not an advice column. You are completely responsible for your actions.


Get our fake advice right in your inbox! We'll send you the latest columns as their updated.
Email address
First Name

Author: The Worst Advice Columnist

The Worst Advice Columnist is a satirical writer and improviser.

Leave a Reply