Dear Not Wrong,
I started a satirical advice column with my friend and lately this friend, let’s call him Brian for anonymity’s sake, hasn’t been writing anymore. He says he’s busy with real life things like his job and freelance work that make him money, but I really feel like I’m more important than those silly things. How do I get my friend to reprioritize and make his life revolve around what I want?
Totally anonymous writer
This letter sounds like a fake letter and imnotwrong.com is a reputable journalistic site where we stick to reality and deadlines.
The idea of satirical advice sounds farcical at best. After all, real problems are real and serious and levity is never called for. Never laugh. To laugh at someone else’s misfortune is to laugh at our own since we’ve all done it.
As a general aside, you’re right to pick up the slack for friends. This teaches them that you are reliable and willing. It would be better if you would help this friend with his actua job and act as a free sales person and editor for his freelance work. The more you do, the more important you’ll feel.
You also will get to use these points to pressure him and others. After all you do, who could say no to whatever silly idea you come up with next
Convincing this fictions friend sounds like a lost cost. Luckily, you can easily imagine new friends by projecting on dates met on Tinder, Okcupid or Manhunt.
If you need advice – but not really because you already know – submit your “question” in the contact form or email advice@imnotwrong.com. You can also tweet a short humblebrag to @satiricaladvice.
Disclaimer: This advice and content is not real. It's satire and parody.
The advice offered in this column is intended for comedic and entertainment purposes only. Use of this column not intended to replace or substitute for real advice. If you have concerns or a situation in which you need help, you should consult with an appropriate specialist. Not an advice column. You are completely responsible for your actions.
