Help! My dating standards are too high

I went on a date with a guy and he was nice. What do I do?

We went to lunch. He picked me up. It was a silver corolla. We went to a local diner in city. He had nice eyes, otherwise not attracted to him. I was already full because I had brunch before. For brunch, I had a fried chicken and biscuits. For lunch, I had mushroom goat cheese salad. He tried to pay for the food and I was like… “No… I’m paying half.”

My roommate wants him to be the one. His main selling point is that he has a witty username.

My other roommate did not want him to pick me up.

The service took a long time. We were talking a long time. There were no really awkward pauses. Well, there were a couple I guess.

I’m just not into him. I’m extremely nonconfrontational.

Sincerely,

— Ok Stupid

Dear Stupid,

I’m glad you survived your attempted kidnapping.

You didn’t mention gender in your letter. So I naturally assume you’re a heterosexual cisgender woman.

I’m hearing a lot of selfishness in your letter. The whole point of dating is eventually giving up your freedom. Same with having roommates. If you didn’t want to get advice, you’d live alone.

Why did you care what car he drives? That’s superficial. I sense gold digging as a theme. You paid for lunch to make it look like you weren’t after his money. Even though you clearly are.

If you were not interested, why did you lead him on. You waited during slow service when you could have walked. Then you talked a long time without forcing more long pauses.

You sold your soul for a salad. Why do you want to die alone? Ask your boyfriend question on your next date.

I’m the roommate writing in about the letter about my roommate who went to a diner for a date. I’m really sad.

I think that he should be the one.

—Soul Roommate

Please urge your roommate to at least sleep with him. Try to get her to use his witty username during sex. Write back, we’ll want to know how that goes.

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Author: The Worst Advice Columnist

The Worst Advice Columnist is a satirical writer and improviser.

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