My coworkers have no chill

Dear Not Wrong,

I work in a field I am really passionate about with people that I dislike. It is about noon, and one of my coworkers is not here. He didn’t call in sick and is usually punctual (we are supposed to be here at 9), so my coworkers are concerned. So concerned, in fact, that they have called the police and insist on going to his house to ensure he is alive. He is young, with no medical condition, so this seems premature to me. What do you think is the correct response to a coworker no show?

-Not Concerned

Dear Not Concerned,

It really seems like there is no reason to rush to the coworker’s house or call the cops. If they are already dead, there’s no reason to rush. Unless you want to try to get their house, dead bodies smell bad. Not that I know from personal experience. I definitely don’t murder people, why would you suspect such a thing?

Since you aren’t particularly fond of your coworker, you shouldn’t really rush to their house. I mean, you could be rid of them forever if you just wait long enough…

Most of the time, your coworker is fine. Potentially hungover, but fine. In this case, the best way to be passive aggressive is to open a police report. You can say it was because you were concerned, but really, you just want to give them some uncomfortable conversations. The police can’t close the report until they actually see your coworker, which may involve an awkward conversation about why they are hungover/too irresponsible to call in sick. I know this because I was really concerned about my coworker once.

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