Today’s letter is from Dear Prudence
Am I paranoid?: This is going to sound like a joke, but I am serious. I am convinced my boss is trying to kill me. I am a diabetic, and struggle with it. She knows that. I came back from the doctor not too long ago and told people my blood sugars were really high again. The next day my boss brought in a box of oranges for the break room. She brings in doughnuts a lot and likes to surprise us with afternoon treats of smoothies. Our holiday lunch consisted of two entrées: fried chicken and pizza, neither of which I should be eating. There was salad too, but not much. And the desserts were overwhelming. I know my boss doesn’t like me. Luckily she can’t get rid of me easily. But now I’m wondering if she might be actually trying to get me to ruin my diabetic diet and end up in a diabetic coma or worse. I asked a couple of co-workers about it, but they just laughed. But I’m serious. Do you think I have a case to take to HR here?
Let me start with answering your first question: yes, you are paranoid. But just because you’re paranoid, doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you. So what I’m saying is that you should skip the HR complaint and go straight to the police. Attempted murder is very serious, so she will surely be in jail for a long time. You can visit her and taunt “where are your donuts now!” as she eats the prison slop.
People are just animals and animals are programmed to eat whatever is easiest, so you have absolutely no responsibility for your dietary restrictions, everyone else should change their lives to accommodate your diagnosis. You should consider sending letters to your favorite restaurants to notify them of what their new menu options are. It would clearly be inappropriate for them to serve fattening, sugar filled abominations to other patrons when you are unable to partake.
Disclaimer: This advice and content is not real. It's satire and parody.
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